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A little while ago I was part of a conversation that turned into a confrontation between the two other individuals.
It wasn’t just any two other people – it was a coworker and our boss.
What started as a friendly, general discussion of how the shift went quickly turned into an honest conversation about what we liked, what we thought we could improve on, and what we found irritating. And while that in and of itself is great – and often productive – this one took an interesting turn.
“The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.”
Without going into too much detail (for the sake of their privacy) I’ll just say that the coworker expressed their dislike for the occasional “micromanaging” being done and then the boss expressed her dislike for the coworker’s method of speaking to her.
It’s interesting to see how people respond in situations like this. Some will realize they’ve gotten themselves into hot water and begin backpedaling to safer ground. Some will dive right in and argue till they feel they’ve ‘won’. Others will simply apologize for any offense and end the conversation.
Each individual will inevitably have their own instinctual ways of handling confrontational situations. If you’re bull-headed you’ll stand your ground and argue your point. If you’re passive, you’ll backpedal or apologize and walk away.
For example, I’ve been known to be pretty strong-willed and stubborn. If I thought I was right, I’d stand my ground. If I thought someone was treating me unfairly I would absolutely give them a piece of my mind.
But somewhere along the way to thirty years old, I learned something.
Sometimes being right is not as important as maintaining the relationship.
Sometimes being right is not as important as maintaining the relationship. Click To Tweet
I’m going to say that again in more detail because I know for a fact that there are people out there who do not yet have a firm grasp on this concept.
Sometimes your feeling of being right and/or proving your point does not matter as much as the integrity of the relationship with the person whom you feel is wrong.
Don’t get me wrong – I absolutely think that ‘hashing it out’ can be a great way to really figure out the problem and work towards a compromise. I also think that the severity of the disagreement as well as the feelings involved matter a great deal, too.
But in the situation I witnessed, I couldn’t understand why the employee thought it was a good idea to argue their point, even after being gently reminded that he was not really in a position to do so. The boss was polite but grew increasingly firm and expressed her dislike for being disrespected.
(And all the while I was trying to figure out how to quietly leave the situation – it was super awkward.)
The point is, the employee was so concerned with being heard and expressing their opinion that he stopped caring about the relationship. He totally disregarded the fact that the person on the other side of the argument was the person who made his schedule and signed his paychecks.
Why do you think that is? Was it because he’s younger (22) and just didn’t have as much experience with handling confrontation? Was it because he didn’t understand the possible consequences of his actions (I mean, the boss easily could have decided he was too disrespectful and hard to work with)?
Who knows.
All I know is that in that moment I wanted to shake him and tell him that expressing his point and defending himself was not as important as he thought it was.
Anyways, I eventually got out of there, politely and discreetly, so I have no idea how the altercation ended. Except that the employee still has a job.
Awkward as it was to witness, I’m glad I was able to take something away from that. Now I know that the employee is super stubborn and may be hard to talk to if/when I need to discuss something with them. I also know that the boss is a firm, fair person who is going to stand her ground when she feels disrespected – but honestly, I would think most bosses are like that.
And I also realized that I’m grateful for the reaffirmation of this life lesson. I can only hope that the next time I find myself in a disagreement with anyone whom I love or respect that I remember my own advice: being right is not as important as maintaining the relationship.
I hope you all remember that too.
“There is a way of being wrong which is also sometimes necessarily right.”
*This post was proofread by Grammarly
Thanks so much for reading.
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This has been one of the hardest and most important lessons for me to learn. I have a stubborn streak a mile wide and a need to always be right but sometimes it’s not worth it if it means damaging a relationship that’s important to me.
I absolutely agree – it’s a tough lesson but an important one. Relationships are so important, and you could be right all day long but if you don’t have good relationships it doesn’t really matter, huh?
Anyways thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment! I appreciate it!
This is a great post about something that people really don’t talk about that much. Everyone thinks that they are right (and I am guilty of this) and that is not the case!
I agree – it’s not talked about enough. Because for sure a lot of people are guilty of it. (Even me – still!).
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it! 🙂
I love all of these quotes! I pinned two 🙂 thanks for this perspective!
Oh thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment! And I love those quotes, too 🙂 I appreciate the pins!
It’s definitely a hard thing to learn. I feel that sometimes the need to be right often overshadows all reason and common sense.
Oh my gosh that’s so true! It really does over shadow reasoning.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment 🙂
When people are attached to being right they don’t listen to understand what the other person is saying. Then the other person gets upset and on the defensive and no one is having a real conversation anymore. I teach and coach about meaningful communication, and you just hit the nail on the head.
Such wise words. Thank you.
I’m always amazed at how some people are just able to speak out like that. Even when I was super young, I would never have felt comfortable to speak with a boss like that. It’s good you just got yourself out of that situation instead of getting dragged in. I think you’re totally right. The relationship is so much more important than being right in any singular moment.
It is incredible the differences in conversation style between different people, isn’t it!?
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. 🙂
Great thoughts! It’s so hard sometimes to stop and remember that being right isn’t as important as saving a relationship. I’m all about communication and solving and talking things out, but there comes a point where one needs to decide how very important the issue is. Loved reading this post!
I absolutely agree – talking things out is wonderful as long as it can be done in a calm, cool manner.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and leave a thoughtful comment 🙂
The sooner this lesson is learned the better, time saved, feelings spared and major relationships kept in tact. If you feel that your point is not getting across, try a different approach at a later time. Cooler heads normally prevail.
Such a great reminder, Malissa! Sometimes, I have to put my pride aside even though I know my thoughts are legitimate. But sometimes, you gotta lose the battle to win the “war”! And I always think a good relationship is most important!
xoxo,
Berniedette | PetiteAndToned.com
Oh, I have learned this in the last year! My friend and I have a baby together. Both of us can be pretty stubborn, but I also hate confrontation. I find myself saying ‘sorry’ and backing down more often than not – just to save us from having an argument. It’s always over something trivial, so I don’t mind him having the odd ‘win’ if it preserves our relationship as friends.
That’s so wonderful that you’re able to put the other persons feeling and the friendship first. I’m sure the lack of trivial arguments is better for everyone. 🙂
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment.