I am not feeling well.

I have been in a state of not feeling well for over a month now. I’ve caught some crazy cold that seems to be a rollercoaster of worsening symptoms, then better and back again while never really going away and I tell ya, it is not pleasant.

Having a cold or being sick is awful for a lot of reasons, obviously. But the biggest one, I think, is that it robs you of your motivation.

You don’t want to go to work (or in some cases you can’t go to work), you don’t want to go to the gym, you don’t want to write anything for your blog! All you want to do is sleep and take medicine and maybe binge watch Friends or something. It’s awful.

“Life isn’t nearly as stable as we want it to be.”

Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

For me, feeling unmotivated is a real problem, a problem stacked on top of the cold itself. Because if I’m not doing the things I love – if I’m not working towards a goal – then I feel really lost. And that lost feeling just makes me feel worse.

It’s like a vicious circle of unpleasantness spiraling out of control!

I tried the obvious course of action – I went to a doctor. He said he thought it was a virus, but the fact that I was either a) getting sick over and over again or b) never actually recovering, then there might be an underlying bacterial infection. So he prescribed a Z-pack (a 5 day dose of Azithromycin, which is a prescription medication used to treat many bacterial infections such as those of the lungs and airways). I finished the Z-pack on a Monday and on Wednesday BAM! Struck down with the worse cough I’ve had in recent memory. I mean this sucker was intense – I couldn’t even talk properly for four days!

So… my next plan is to get allergy testing done. Perhaps I’m allergic to something that I’m repeatedly exposing myself to and it’s putting me in a constant state of a weakened immune system?

I know a few people who’ve gotten allergy testing done and changing their lifestyle or getting immunotherapy after learning their results has greatly increased the quality of their life. So I’m excited to have those answers. I’m not excited to spend the money (team uninsured over here) but I figure it’s probably worth it.

Or I don’t know… maybe I just have like the worse cold in the history of my adult life, who knows.

Until I know for sure I’m just going to be optimistic in the hope that I am actually slooooooowwly getting better, even if it doesn’t feel like it. And maybe avoid unhealthy things. I’m also really anxious to get back to the gym. And who knows? Maybe some ‘sweating it out’ will help me.  At this point, I feel like it couldn’t get any worse. (oh my gosh, do me a favor and knock on anything wooden around you!)

I saw a thing on Facebook the other day about a woman who had a cockroach living in her head. She had complained about a crawling sensation and the doctors finally pulled it out of her, still alive. I suppose it could have been a fake story, but still…. I might be sick for a long time but at least I don’t have a cockroach living in my head, ya know?

You always gotta think of the positives.

“Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.”

Hans Selye

So yeah. I’m staying positive. But anyways, the point of this post is not to ‘bitch and moan’ about my seemingly never-ending cold. It’s more of a ‘here’s how I’m doing these days’ for anyone who wonders.

And also I’ve been hearing from friends that they know other people who’ve had unusually long-lasting colds, as well. So if that’s you, how are you doing? Find anything that works to feel better?! I’d love to commiserate with you.